I had a kinda bad morning. I sorta quarrelled with my mom. When I got home, I received an email from her, saying that she was sorry for not being able to give me all the things that I want and need. Well, I know that I won't be able to get everything I want. But I just hope to get everything that I need.

I know my family is having financial problem. I know I can't do anything about but it just suck to the max. I try to understand my parents as much as possible. They are the ones working afterall. I know my parents' salary is more than 5K, for sure! But the problem is, my parents didn't work for almost a year! BOTH OF THEM! And they are still paying their debts. . .

On the way to cell group meeting, I was recalling how I talked to my mom and how I treated her. I was remorseful. I wanted to message her but you know that feeling like, you just don't wanna message and say sorry because she's not your friend? But I really wanted to. She messaged and I really wanted to reply. Actually, I typed out my reply message already saying I'm sorry too but I chose not to press the 'send' button. I thought of what would Jesus do if He was in my shoes. I asked myself why didn't I ask Him to take over my problem. I took it in my own knowledge and ended up, hurting my mom. Actually, I guess I hurt my dad too. For sure, my mom told my dad about it.

I don't know how to face my parents tomorrow. I don't know how to face God. Why am I sure a mean child? Whenever I'm angry, I'll just shout and say nasty things. Actually, I say the fact but sometimes, you need not say the fact because it'll just hurt some people involved. When my parents tell me off, I'll just answer back and walk off after telling them what I feel. I feel so insensitive, so stubborn and so direct. I just say whatever I think and feel without thinking of what that person I'm talking to might feel. Yes, it's true that I don't think of it. Most of the time, I'll just shoot and regret later.

Sometimes, when I tell my friends stories like, "You know I talked to this person, this and that, then I said this...'fact bla bla'"

Then, my friend[s] would be like, "REALLY? You said that? Bla bla bla.."

I'd be like, "HUH? You mean what I said might have hurt that person?"

Friend[s]: "Duh?!"

Me: "OMG, I didn't know. But it's the fact what! *scratch head*"

Then I'd still think that, that person deserves it but somehow regret it. And feel sorry for that person.

I still remember when my friend's mom borrowed $250 from me. She told me she was going to give me back two weeks later. Two weeks later, she asked me to give her another two weeks. I said, OK, since I felt sorry for her. Two weeks later, she said the same thing and *TADDAAAAAA* What happened? I told her off! My friend, Michelle was there and that was like the very first time she saw me damn pissed. I told her that I had to get my money back and I don't care whatever reason that she was going to give me. All I want was my money. Of course, that wasn't the only thing I said. I said many more stuff then she just walked off! I was like still talking and she just left. IRRITATING OLD WOMAN! Waaaa~ then the next day can still have the cheek to tell me that she'd pay me the following day! With TEARS EFFECT SOME MORE!! Wanna act cry in front of me! She really act only ok? I got to know from our other colleagues who were also aunties. LOL. OMG, where did you work? Why so many aunties? I worked in a factory la! Hehehe. So ya, as I was saying.. THAT OLD WOMAN's habit is to borrow money from people. LOTS of money! With tear effect then, later she'll delay her payment everytime!

She's liar la ok? She told me her husband needs to be out of bail. Whatever shit! The next thing I know, SHE BOUGHT A LAPTOP FOR HER DAUGHTER AND WENT TO EAT SEAFOOD WITH HER FAMILY! Damn IRRITATING!

But guess what? My attitude changed already. A lot! LOL. Of course, there's still some essence of my stubborness and getting pissed quite easily but it's not as much as before la. I remember I told off one of my friend's mother. Coz she's damn irritating! Talk to her = vomitting blood [HIV positive blood. HAHA. kidding!]! Damn irritating! But I controlled my temper. Haha. I really did but alas! One of my friends saw my face and said, "I never saw you so angry before."

Me: "I controlled myself already! If I was still my oldself, I think you'd freak out."

I won't say why she pissed me off. All I know is that, she makes everyone vomit blood! That's her talent! STOP BEING MEAN, NELKRIS KATE!!!

I NEED to stop being mean! MEEKNESS, girl! Where's

your BEATITUDES?

Good night~