I wanna keep posting here coz I'm so bored and still very affected.

WHY? WHY? WHY? I feel like crying. I'm super affected. Super super super. He's a great great guy! Why must he use his heart and not his mind? Why is he so vulnerable? I know it's partly my fault. But it never crossed my mind that I'll go back to him and "rescue" him. Because I know, we are not meant to be together forever. God has given us those 5 years and that was it. No more, no less. But why? I was so so so so happy last night already! I was so happy for him. I thought this was it. But it's not! Maybe it is? But it's just sooo wrong!

I know I shouldn't judge his decision because I don't want him to do the same thing to me. But this kind of desperate decision? It cannot be real. I loved him and I really don't want him to be hurt ever again. Why must I be so difficult to be replaced? Am I that great? They're so many girls out there who are much better than me, I guess. But I think I'm just really special. Now, there's a smile on my face. (= Hehe. When I love someone, I'll love him until like there's no more room for the love in my heart. I know the ONE will come at the RIGHT time when I'm really more mature. I'm saying more mature spiritually. Hehehe. I know I can look and act so immaturely sometimes but I'm not ok. HMPF!

But why? WHY? WHY? WHY? I know that I should respect his decision. Yes, I ALMOST did. But when I got to know more information about the girl, I was like, OMG. And I started giving him advice. What do I get? "She's actually a nice girl. Just that she's been influenced and all.."

"ACTUALLY A NICE GIRL"? HOW YOU KNOW? You've known her four freaking days! God, please help me help him. I really want him to be with someone else. Not that freako. He's not going to be mine forever but at least, give him to someone else who is worthy and MORE MATURE PLEASE?

I'm soooooo affected. I really cannot take it and it keep coming to my mind. How could someone be so dumb in finding replacement? Why is he not strong? I thought he was. I thought I was not. But it's all You, Lord. Really, You. If not for You, maybe I already killed myself? That's how much I loved my ex. I remember last time when I still loved him with all my heart, I always told him that if he ever ever ever leaves me for another girl, I'd kill him, chop his body into pieces and burn it. Haha. So violent ah? But he's still alive what. Why? Coz I don't love him anymore. Hehe. And maybe I'd still say that to my future boyfriend and once he hears me say that to him, he'll know that I already love him so much. Or maybe he'd run away. HAHA!! Later no one wants to be with me anymore, so don't tell my violent secret to anyone. Haha. Eh, no la Lord, if not for You, I'd still be with him la. Hahahahaha. But I can only choose one. And I chose You. Only You.. You are my TRUE love.

URGH. I think I should watch tv and forget what is happening in my world.

Sometimes, I feel that it's so tough to be Nelkris Kate Naval Amante. Bluekz. But still, I'll never give up. This things happened for a purpose. My life is great ok? Who knows there is someone who wants to be me? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha.. Dream on, Nikki!

Thank You, Lord for loving me so much. My life is so complicating but when I turn to your side, it all just become so perfect. Left = him, his freako girl [thank God they're not together yet! But he's starting to like her, which is absolutely disgusting!] and some other things. Right = My Almighty God who strengthens me and ALREADY planned my life.

You're still the ONE for me, Lord.